letters to an absent one

dear you,
i think there's a part of me that hates you.
now before you get offended, let me explain.
see i've spent the last few years being either your best friend or your worst enemy, except, even when we were friends somehow i still WAS the enemy.
I was the one in the wrong when i was finally happy with someone i needed in my life.
i was the bad one for being with the one you liked. the one you wouldn't have known if it wasn't for me.
why am i always the bad guy?
but see the thing is that i don't believe i was. Who was the one creeping around with him behind my back all that time? see that's one thing i'd never do. especially not to someone i called my best friend.
and then you said that you couldn't be bothered to worry about me. thanks for that. maybe i didn't want you to worry. maybe i just wanted you to acknowledge that i finally got MY adventure. After all that time staying at home when my best friends were adventuring around i finally got my chance. yet, my so called best friend couldn't acknowledge that. and then yet again, you were with him.
and i try to tell you, why i'm upset, why i'm frustrated, and once again i'm the bad guy.
but how am i the bad one if i'm the one still making an effort even though you've backstabbed me more times than i can count?
sometimes i miss you. even though i've gone off and had my adventure, and i'm surrounded by more people i still feel alone. i've lost everything that tied me here. i already lost one friend this past year, and then i lost you too. for him. how ridiculous. and how alone that makes me feel.
maybe i'm the bad one for posting this where everyone can see if they want to.
but, i think for once, it's time people see it from my point of view. it's time they see that i'm NOT the villian.
there was once a time when i'd sign this off <3 me
but not anymore.
now i'll just say,
me